Category: Family

Encouragement · Family

From this day forward

dawnhirn2 Comments

That’s how you should live everyday!  But those words are generally reserved for the day you are married.  From then on, they are only used when you are angry, usually followed by some sort of mandate:

From this day forward , you will not flush paper towels down the toilet.

From this day forward, you will not hide Cheetos in your room.

From this day forward, we will pay cash for everything.

The best resolutions involve the pursuit of happiness and don’t necessarily have to be reserved for the wedding or New Year’s Eve.  Families should make new resolutions on a regular basis.Not that the old one’s aren’t any good – but things change:  we make mistakes, reassess the situation and make new plans.

Ron and I made a resolution after we were married:  We would share our joy of travel with our children.  After school, I had gotten bitten by the wanderlust bug, and had little difficulty sharing my enthusiasm with Ron.  Once Ryan and Tyler joined the family, we adjusted and kept right on going.   But then tragedy struck, and from this day forward seemed to be cursed with warnings.   We didn’t want to take any chances with Tyler or his two little brothers, Trenton and Colton.  From that day forward, we lived as close to home as possible, sheltering and guarding our remaining treasures.

But as they will, sweet memories slipped back in; we remembered  how much Ryan had loved these adventures – how he had always carried his prized Pokemon Backpack with him.  And we started again with a new from this day forward. 

 And forward we went!  Ron, the boys and I were on a mission.  We studied other countries,  the cultures, the economics,  foods, highlights and lowlights and let the kids make some very important decisions about where we would go.

From this day forward include your family members as you build your dreams.  You are building memories right now – from this day forward.

Talk soon, Dawn

Adventure with Engagement AWE · Family

Slogan

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Wouldn’t it be nice if every family had their own Theme Song?  Can’t you just see it now- a family enters the soccer field and the music kicks up, so you know without looking, they’re here!   Worked for Sesame Street, the Addams Family and the Brady Bunch, but of course they entered at different times, so it was never confusing.

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Might be easier to stick with a slogan.   We did.  Adventure With Engagement.  It kind of explains our jump into six-months of family world travel as we tried to embrace the world after the loss of our first son. Perhaps this insanity requires explanation.  We needed to make more wonderful memories and family adventures are always the longest lasting, probably because family members are the ones who are there longest. We made a lifetime of memories and highly recommend AWE!IMG_4619

Adventure – When you run out of things to do, your mind will need a place to go.  A sort of ‘mental root system.’  If you have spent no time in development, how can you ever expect to pull up great memories?

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Add Engagement to your Adventure.    Sharing an adventure doesn’t really work unless you have someone to validate the story.  Can I get a witness?   That fish you caught has no real size until someone says “wow, you should have seen it!”  That time you got lost in a country where you couldn’t read the signs or speak the language wouldn’t be told if you weren’t there to provide the ‘rest of the story.’ But people aren’t just interested in the end: they want the whole story, every stupid mistake that led to embarrassment, every discovery that led to surprise, every misstep that took you somewhere you never intended to go.  Most of these stories are the stuff life is made of.

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But the best adventures rarely come scripted.  We all learn as we go.  We bond as we learn.  It all starts with Adventure and gets better with Engagement.  But who knows – you may escalate from your own Slogan to your own Theme Song.  This HIrn would like to hear her family brought in with the Disney Aladdin favorite:   A Whole New World.  But if we have to just go with our slogan,  Adventure With Engagement, I guess I’ll just ‘Let It Go.”

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Stir up some family AWE.

Dawn

Encouragement · Family · Travel

Unplugged

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We weighed the odds:  iPhone or no iPhone – that was the question.  But of course, when you are a Hirn, you travel on the skinny.   You stay on a budget. So you already know International cell phone service was OOTQ.   (That’s Hirn code for Out Of The Question.)

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In addition to the sheer pocket-ripping expenses, we would have had to keep up with more than 25 SIM cards and an unlocked phone. There were other obstacles:

Internet Service in different countries is limited.  Very limited!  Oh, there are public hotspots:   Starbucks was always accommodating us by allowing us to use their Internet Service only after purchasing our favorite pick-me-ups(no free Internet abroad.)  But our intention was to see the city, not sit in a Coffee Café.   The Hostels we stayed in usually had Internet Service as well, but once we were on the streets, we were unplugged.

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We wanted our boys to understand basic navigational skills.   We didn’t give the guys calculators to find the answers to their math questions, so it stood to reason we wouldn’t give them a GPS to find their way around foreign countries.  The two most dependable navigational tools are still a compass and a map.  And although Ron was our leader we worked together as a family to find our way.  We were in this thing together!

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America’s Global Positioning Satellite has spoiled us all.   When you travel unplugged, you commit to taking extra time to find your way.  You must have patience.

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Trial and error are integral parts of discovering Adventure With Engagement.  And there is no better Adventure than being engaged with your family as you try to find your way home, or at least back to where you are staying.   And when we got there, we all sang silent praise to the gift that awaited:

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Hostel, Sweet Hostel.

Dawn

Family · Travel

My pillow

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When we left the good old  US of A for our family ‘round-the-world-adventure,’ there were certain things I just couldn’t leave behind. I know – you’re thinking i-Phone,  and you are probably right, although that wasn’t the first thing on my mind. i-Phones don’t work everywhere.  But I knew two things that were the most important to me:

My pillow.  My favorite coffee mug.

Our relationship is one-sided.  My pillow doesn’t need me. And despite television ads, neither does my coffee cup.   But I need both of them.   Adults don’t walk around with security blankets, (Mr. Fluffster, Lambie, Cuddles – whatever you called them).  The astute adult sees beyond the situation, not particularly caring what people think about their ‘necessities.’

We bit off a lot when we decided to travel more than 30 countries for six months with our family, and we were focused upon ‘traveling light’ – that meant one ‘carry on’ per person, and of course the big family pack containing meds, school supplies, books, paper, and lots of ‘etcetera.’

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Each of us had at least one ‘must bring.’  For me, it was my feather pillow.  And my favorite coffee mug.

There would be nights on thin blankets on floors, speed-sleeping in trains and buses, but I always knew that my pillow would be there for me. And when I woke up I could count on something warm or semi-cool in my coffee mug.

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Before you leave home, own up to your ‘security blanket.”  Whatever it is – and it must be legal — Grab it.   And your passport.  And head out.

Find your Adventure With Engagement.

Talk soon!

Dawn

Adventure with Engagement AWE · Family · Travel

Transparent

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When we set out to video document our family world trip, we had no preconceived notion of how things were going to go.    We were still grieving for Ryan. I guess we will always be.    Our boys deserved a full life which is never fully under control.  We were willing to be transparent for the next six months, with the hope that our story would help others living under the shroud of fear which seems to swallow those who have lost loved ones in tragic accidents.

It wasn’t a comfortable decision.  Recovering from burns on over 25% of your body was tough for each of us and required continuous personal ‘upkeep.’  When you have skin grafts, the healthy skin is removed from one healthy area of your body to repair the damaged part somewhere else.  You have to treat two sites, keeping sites clean and creamed.  You can’t escape the pain or discomfort.   Stretching my grafted legs became a necessary routine for me, and the sun which I had always loved, had become my enemy.

Even so,  we embraced a challenge.  A family adventure – more than 30 countries, together all day and night, every day and night for over 180 days straight, so:

  1. We put ourselves in extreme circumstances of unfamiliarity.
  2. We faced our fears of losing another child, by reminding each other we would not be defeated.
  3. We took our boys out of the safety of the home ‘training ground’ and pushed them into the ‘proving ground’ of public scrutiny.
  4. And the videographer exposed us for who we really are under pressure.

What did we hope to gain in exchange for our transparency?    Recovery.  Restoration.  Reward.  Renewal . . . .  for ourselves and others who had been fractured from loss and grief.  We had faith in each other – faith in our family – faith in our research – faith in our future – faith in God.   We were armed.  We could do this!

Adventure is always unscripted.  No rehearsals, no makeup touch ups.  Just a douse of reality in the family adventure thing. We tell our story as authentically as possible.  Real life is always completely out of order, messy, fragmented, surprising, disappointing and encouraging.  To help each other, we must all be transparent.

After a full year of editing and sequencing our story, we have a television show which meets every requirement we have:  Transparent recovery.  We hope to raise the expectations of others who have suffered, to lift the expectations of other burn victims and their families so they could live again.  While traveling, we brought joy and love to others, and accepted the joy and love they gave to us.  And we did it as a family, then and from this day forward.

When you go on an adventure, take a camera.  But make sure you make your lives as transparent as possible.  No one can tolerate phony stories which are built out as authentic.  Fact is . . . they can see right through them.

Talk soon!

Dawn

Encouragement · Family · Travel

Adapt

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Adapt means to modify, alter, adjust, readjust, remodel, reshape, and rework.   All things considered, our boys did beautifully.  Kids do.

Adapting is something American adults have a bit more trouble doing, being silver spoon-fed at all.  We are used to luxury or at least the best we can afford in our home- away-from-home. There are different levels of adapting:   we can all adapt to a guy in a Goofy costume coming up for a hug, but that isn’t a real acid test.

Our world-adventure stretched us to new levels of tolerance.  Of course, looking backward from the comfort of our own dining room table  makes every awkward situation seem funny.  Everyone has their own favorite “meltdown story,” and occasionally stories sound  vaguely similar.

There was a lot of room for complaining but we had made everyone aware of what to expect before we left.  And yet, we still had surprises.

Street Food  – Sometimes it looked sketchy, but of course we could easily turn the food-thing into a competition.  They guys each longed to win the game: ‘what-was-the-weirdest-thing-you-ever-ate?”    But street food didn’t make us sick.  In fact, there were only a total of four throw-ups for six people the whole six months.  And street food was a daily diet.  Hunger forced us all to adapt.

Electronic withdrawals – The boys used their smartphones for photography.   They knew there was no Facebook and limited social media in China.  They said they could hack it.   But you know how that goes — nobody ever sees how  truly addicted they are until they no longer have the ability to connect.  Took about two days;  and they adapted.

Entertainment – Boys make everything from handrails to luggage ramps to subway hand rings into a playground. And if you follow our Our Backpack Facebook page, you know the value of the ‘ball.’   As parents, if you focus upon how it is going to look to the locals, you are fighting a losing battle. And there was no ‘deep cover.’  We were an American family with  three boys,  in a country with a one-child rule.  And the Chinese have contempt for truant students.    Yet, we were overwhelmed by their kindness to us.

Time alone.   I think that was one of the most difficult struggles.  Ron and I knew when the other needed a break.  We were each other’s Plan B.

Again let me stress this was not a vacation.  But remember, the “A” in Adventure, is the same “A” in Achievement.    We brought home another “A” for accomplishment, which is impossible to do unless you . . .

Adapt.

Talk later…

Dawn

education · Family · Travel

The Microscope

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In the past,  I’ve written about taking a hard look at yourself in the mirror of a videographer.  Today, lets talk about the microscope.

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When you are on a world adventure with your family, 24/7, mom and dad have a gracious allowance of time to study their kids under the microscope. (Isn’t that really part of the purpose of family time together?)

As our trip progressed, I unsnapped their ankle monitors and began to enjoy the entertainment.  My boys faced the world bringing with them their unique approaches.  Ron and I sat back and watched them.  And under the microscope we learned:

  1. Our boys see no difference in other people. We are proud of that.
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Recently I referred to one of the children in Colton’s classrooms as “that sweet Asian child” – and he looked at me like I had chopped liver for brains.   They didn’t care about the child’s nationality, religion, or political alliance.  Boys talk in simple terms such as soccer balls, footballs, skateboards and stunts.  The language is universal.

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Kids adapt more quickly than adults. The younger, the better.

Before we left home, we had studied about places, people, foods, various forms of transportation (from tut tuts to camels), sleeping accommodations (we chose hostels)  and the ever- dependable but not always well-received “UYOLTGT”  (Use Your Own Legs To Get There.)    Despite a few meltdowns, they adapted beautifully.

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  1. Under the microscope we discovered Colton’s love for little children and babies especially. We experienced Trenton’s non-verbal form of communication – his love of sports and physical activity, and enjoyed seeing him interact with others often instigating a game.  And Tyler grew so much on this trip, from a boy to a caring and might I add, tolerant young man.
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Take your children out of their comfort zone as a family.  Don’t forget to unshackle them.  Microscope or not, sit back and enjoy.

Have a great weekend!

Talk soon!

Dawn

Encouragement · Family · Travel

Mirror, mirror . . .

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Nearly two-hundred years ago the German chemist Justus von Liebig slapped a thin coat of silver to one side of clear glass and Bingo!  The mirror!  He probably learned a thing or two from Euclid (300 BC) who dallied with the idea of reflection.  But nobody – NO-BODY has revealed more details than the twenty-first century videographer who follows you around day and night.

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I did it to myself.  I hired a  kind of a self-imposed paparazzi. But how else could we document the world adventure my family and I had ‘bitten off’?   “I want real life – authentic experiences – authentic memories – the good, bad and ugly” I told him.  Real life performances don’t include ‘hair and makeup’, or filters or wardrobe adjustments.

We had lost one of our own.  Hovering over the children ‘left behind’ does not establish ownership, and almost always pushes them to perform.   We wanted ‘real time’ with our kids – time to watch them grow, to share with them the experience of discovering the world God had given them.

Real life is not buttoned-down, starched, stain-proofed and Photoshop-ed.

You may think you know your strengths and weaknesses until you see them played back on video:  and there I was – in all my impatience, trying to control everything and everyone, getting ‘freaked out’ far too often, wishing I could find a door to my own room to slam.   What a wake-up call.

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When you’re put in a difficult situation you can either react or respond, I reacted by trying to duck the camera until I realized I should respond and adjust my behavior.  My family knows my weaknesses and my strengths. And I know theirs.  Forgiveness is the first step to recovery and a cornerstone of love.

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Trenton did not want to be in this photo!

 

Consider a 24/7 trip with your family. If you have the guts, hire a videographer to cover it.  Costs less than a Shrink. And the results are just as effective!

Talk soon!

Dawn

Family · Travel

Trip Prep (rated PG)

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Ben Franklin said “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”

Any successful family adventure takes lots of planning to make certain you cover all your bases.   World travel is an adventure, and adventure often takes you on a path off the road of convenience.  We covered everything  with the boys — the good, the bad and the ugly.

Toilets, for instance!  At first, the guys were fascinated to learn Chinese toilets were mostly holes in the ground.  For months before the trip, we were treated to their one-liners about pooping in a hole and their versions of the Chinese Squat.   Boys never seem to run short on Potty humor.

In America we are spoiled by ‘high-rise’ toilets – a rare commodity in China.

Even though we were ready and prepared, we were still surprised.     The Summer Palace, one of the most heavily traveled tourist attractions in China, has a restroom with 22 holes (I counted!) and only 1 ‘high-rise toilet.’   I knew the boys could adapt to anything but was more concerned with what happened afterward.  Going in it was paper; coming out, hand sanitizer.

And I played drill sergeant.

Since hand washing facilities are rare and soap seems to be an endangered species in China,   we prepared by bringing our own paper and hand sanitizer, and when we ran low, we went on our own treasure hunt.  The treasure of course, was paper!

Advanced planning is only a grind if you take it all upon yourself.  We used the roundtable approach to share responsibilities and review what we each needed to contribute to make this a successful experience.

Don’t take pre-trip planning away from your kids.  They need to be involved and educated.  Makes them feel important and giving them responsibilities helps them grow.  In blogs to follow, I’ll go over some of my Trip Prep Tips (try saying that fast five times.)

Talk to you Tuesday!  Dawn.

Family · Grief · Travel

We’re in the news!

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Yesterday, Alabama’s WSFA’s Judd Davis did a story about our family, what we had endured and how we handled it.  Check it out:

http://www.wsfa.com/story/31313651/al-family-takes-incredible-journey-after-losing-a-child

When we began putting together the pilot for television, Netflix, and Cable TV viewing, we found our story had so many layers:

Overcoming Grief: We had suffered a horrible loss.  As a family, we had worked through the loss and tried to turn it to good, to honor our first born. Each day was painful.  The fire that did such damage to our bodies, did worse damage to our minds as we remembered Ryan.

Promoting Travel: When running away (impossible to do, of course, with three little boys) seemed like the only way out, we ran as a group.  After a tragedy, communication is essential – it’s not easy!   We went ‘hardcore’ into a family relationship situation – traveling together in strange lands with our three boys (and of course Ryan’s little blue backpack) to more than thirty countries, for over six months, and if it is at all possible, we spent what seemed like more than 24 hours a day, more than 7 days a week together!

We were putting our story together to encourage other families to travel but also to show them how much we had gained as a family by our experiences.   This adventure  went way beyond travel.   When it felt more like work than a vacation, we mentally regrouped about our ‘purpose.’ Ultimately, we knew that we wouldn’t have given anything for the memories we made with those we loved most.

Our children are lent to us for just a breath of time.  Don’t let a day go by without talking to them.  Show interest in their lives now!   If you suffer the loss of a child,  spouse, relative or friend, you must work hard not to isolate yourself from those who love you.  There is joy in the world, but you have to look for it.   Live your life for the sake of the one whose life was taken.  

No matter how hard you try to you cannot constantly protect your child.  Trying to do so will make all of you nuts! Let your child discover life, adventure and mystery.   Better still, join them.

Have a great weekend.

Talk Tuesday!