Category: Parenting

School of Hard Knocks
education · Parenting

School of Hard Knocks

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In the midst of a year boiling with political controversy, we are now given something else to consider: Do we want to encourage our kids to take a year in the school of hard knocks – the Gap Year. “Taking a structured Gap Year invariably serves to develop the individual into a more focused student with a better sense of purpose and engagement in the world,”  from Joe O’Shea’s book, Gap Year: How Delaying College Changes People in Ways the World Needs.

Today’s High Schoolers face pressures you and I didn’t face until we were in college and in some cases, Grad School.  The heights they must hurdle keep getting higher, the options keep growing and way too soon, they have to make crucial decisions: Where will you be accepted to college and what is your major?   Most of them don’t have a clue who they are much less who they want to become.  And the question:  “what do you want to become,” sounds like a life sentence!

Long before it was fashionable, I took the ‘Gap Year Challenge.’  Having saved up enough money, I grabbed my passport and backpack and headed out to Western Europe- on my own-volunteering, working and exploring. This decision changed my trajectory in life. Geography, sociology, politics, foreign relations, languages, health- the subjects I had breezed through became my reality to survival.

Aside from my Passport, I had no privilege in my travels, which heightened my awareness for self-survival and strengthened my empathy for others. Nobody here owed me anything. But I could give a hand up to those who had not been born as lucky as I.

Following my Gap Year, with a renewed appreciation and commitment to the opportunities I had been given,  I returned to College, then Grad School and was a much more appreciative, eager and confident student.   I am a better person for the experience and happy I participated in life’s prep-school:   Gap Year ‘The School of Hard Knocks.’

For more information check out:  World Race  https://www.worldrace.org/?tab=routes

Talk soon!  Dawn

potty talk
Parenting

potty talk

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Alfred Hitchcock, one of the crown princes of filmmaking once said:  “The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.”  Strange observation, but not for those who knew Hitch.

When you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go!  American parents of toddlers don’t take any chances and from the get-go clothe their babes in diapers.  But Chinese toddlers run commando, wearing kaidangku, pictured above.

Their little ones are taught potty training early in their lives.   Parents ‘hover’ their child over a toilet and give them this que:  Shush, Shush. But what happens when your take your child out for a day?  Oh, the stress!  Parents must remain alert, constantly vigilant, ready to find a bush, or a gutter, or a trash can, and teach their child the meaning of a whistle or “shush shush.’

 “On Command” doesn’t always work well for toddlers, who seem to learn tactics of war early.  The Chinese form of potty training takes incredible patience. Is it even possible to train American parents to endure this training?   We, who have mastered the term “Quick” and applied it to everything from food to banking to drive-thru Christmas nativity scenes, will begin looking for short cuts.  And a slit in your child’s pants may to be the answer. After all, who is really potty trained – the Parent or the child?

We are automatically inducted into the world of competition from the time we are born.  From your first word, to your first step, to your last diaper, your progress is measured against other babies. And the sad thing is, you have absolutely no control – you’re just a Pawn in the game of competition.

Now that the one-child policy in China has been lifted, we can only assume the current population increase of almost 8-million per year, will reach new heights.  Perhaps out of necessity  American quick fixes will catch on, and parents will trade in their kaidangku for a twelve-pack of Huggies.

There goes the landfill!

dawn

Grief · Parenting

The thorn

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Each day I read a little devotional called Streams in the Desert, written by Mrs. Charles Cowman in 1925. It’s not ‘fast food inspiration’ but often provokes me to think and weigh the words she has transcribed from her husband’s sermons.    This morning, it went like this:

“George Matheson, the well-known blind preacher of Scotland, who recently went to be with the Lord, said: “My God, I have never thanked Thee for my thorn. I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses, but not once for my thorn.”

“Yeah,” I thought, “easy for George to say. He didn’t lose his seven-year-old son in a fire.”  I surprised myself;  that is not really who I am at all!    When we lost Ryan, we suffered tragically like any mom and dad would.  Each step we took seemed to be just as painful as the last, until we set our sites on the “roses” in our lives.  Tyler was only two yrs old.  And then came Trenton.  And then, Colton.  And there it was:  the Hirn Bouquet!

We never got over the pain of the thorn, and don’t ever expect to.  But we began training ourselves how to adjust to the pain of the thorn by acknowledging the smell of the roses.   God had left us here for a reason.

Ron and I knew our purpose was to raise our boys to be kind and compassionate, to love mankind, without prejudice, without unrealistic fears, accepting people as they are.  To grow in grace.    Those things don’t  just fall into place.  We made a commitment!

Our six-month world trip with our three boys wasn’t all thorns and it wasn’t all blossoms.   But we knew if we wanted a sweet adventure there would be both.

Life is so hard.  The easiest way to endure a loss is to close your eyes and wake up to a new day.  But it never is a new day.  It’s the same with an even larger challenge requiring a bigger running start than the previous day.    You have heard all the analogies – the diamond in the rough being polished, the fire burning off imperfection. But when it comes to your family, there is no better illustration than family spending time together.

Engage with your family.  The same stem that produces the thorn, produces the rose.

Talk later!

Dawn

education · Parenting

Evolution

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People ask us “Which of your sons is most like Ryan?”The answer is difficult, because each of the four treasures God has given us is different.   Like snowflakes, there are no two alike.  With great joy, we watched each of our sons evolve during this world trip.

Education and individual growth becomes a challenge when you insist on strict Road School as we did.  Each boy learned at a different pace, in a different way and at a different level. Everybody crowded together in the Hirn School Room du jour,  for lessons part of each day.    But the rest of the time we took life’s lessons on the road.  We shared our own observations with each other, and we practiced one of the most important educational lessons of all:  the art of listening!

There are Hirn House Rules:  We all knew there was no such thing as a dumb question or a dumb answer.  We became each other’s best friends, teachers and advocates.  We stuck together, learned together, argued together, cried together, comforted each other and grew together.

Road Schooling is tough.     A teacher must always stay ahead of the student – or at least give the illusion of staying ahead.   But, tactically, isn’t that the job of the parent too?

We all hope for great things from our kids.  But don’t overlook the ‘now’ – Treasure  time with them as they observe, process  information, interact with strangers, and adapt to cultural differences and lifestyles.  They are constantly evolving!

Everything evolves – caterpillars become butterflies, buds become flowers.  But then again, evolution must exclude moms.  After all we have been through,  we still have only two hands and one set of eyes.

Talk soon!

Dawn

Parenting · Travel

the bunny

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The Hirn family faced familiar holidays embracing the challenges. We found ourselves  in Montenegro for Easter and although it is a multi-religious country,  Orthodox Christianity is dominant.  But the city isn’t flowing with large-eared Milk Chocolate Easter Bunnies or candy eggs.

Because we still had two young ‘believers’ who anxiously awaited the Easter Bunny, we had to be creative.  Naturally, the Easter Bunny would know where my boys were.  I mean, where in the world can your hide from “the Bunny” or “Santa” or “the Tooth Fairy?” Ron and I found ourselves on a real authentic “Easter Egg hunt.”

We had covered Christmas pretty easily, by writing to Santa pretrip to request a delivery of the gifts to our home in Alabama(which were patiently waiting  upon our return, as we had no way of carrying them,) and hung Tube socks for stockings (which I’ve got to tell you look particularly funky filled with goodies.  S t r e t c h!!! )   And the Tooth Fairy was easily pulled off.  But the Easter Bunny . . . . took a bit more thought.  We used our camper’s storage bins for baskets, found some plastic eggs, filled them with candy and foreign coins from all the countries we had visited, but  weren’t able to find a bright yellow marshmallow Peeps anywhere in the city.    And the boys never batted an eye.  The Balkan Bunny had found them!

According to some sources, the Easter bunny first arrived in America in the 1700s when German immigrants brought their tradition of an ‘egg laying’ bunny – an Osterhase,’ to Easter.  Made sense.  The bunny was a great multiplier, and although he didn’t lay eggs, it was a great ‘container-concept.’  In response to his visit, the children made nests in which the creature could lay it’s colored eggs.  And of course, like everything else, America took the whole thing to baskets and sugar!

We look forward to Easter this year.  And no matter how you celebrate, we hope you have a precious, blessed Easter celebration.

Dawn

Parenting

Influence

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If – just if, your kids had been raised in another place, or another time, did you ever wonder what life would have been like?  “Milk the cow, fore ya git to school, Tyler.” (Or would you have named him Rufus?)  Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?    I’d like to think our boys would have adapted well regardless of their surroundings, although  it is comforting to know they have had so many opportunities, activities and tools to make their Twenty-First Century lives great.   But it still takes the influence and direction of a parent to make little Tyler or Rufus meet his potential.

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Japan

 

You may no longer feel you have influence in your kid’s life, but it will always be your job to maintain balance. Too much activity is just as bad for a child as not enough.  Too many tools offered ‘carte blanche’ will take them into an electronic Neverland that is hard to leave.  But there is no such thing a ‘too much influence or time with them.’   When we visited China, over and over again, Chinese moms and dads would come up to Ron and I and say:  “Luck – three very lucky.”   In a country with a strict one-child policy, our eyes were opened to what we had been given.

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Tiananmen Square – Beijing, China

 

We will never know what our boys  might have turned out to be if they had been born as only children.  Or if their brothers hadn’t teased them quite so hard, or knuckled down on them, or grossed them out with potty talk.  But each of these assaults and interactions has helped make them the strong individual characters they are.   And within the balance, our boys reached out to include their international brothers and sisters.   Families, no matter how they are carved out, are the fiber of society.

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Karen Tribe – Thailand

 

Ron and I made certain communication was at the top of our list, always challenging them with a question or thought, overlooking an occasional contemptuous eye-roll. They know we are the boss.  Even though we are proud to be from a place of democracy, the Hirn Family is run as a split dictatorship.  Raising a child is tough stuff.  But it is an opportunity you get to have for only a short time.  Take what you have and give it all you’ve got.  24/7 and beyond!

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Cape of Good Hope, S. Africa

 

Some people have looked at Ron and I with our wild and crazy boys and said:  “Wow, you sure have your hands full.”  One day I’m going to give them more than just a smile and a nod, and add:  “Yeah, but you should see our hearts!”

Talk soon.

Dawn

Encouragement · Parenting

Team Hirn!

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So many have asked me about the difficulty of traveling with family?  They aren’t referring to ‘assigned seating’ but liken it to being herded into a cattle truck.  From some of the videos we posted on Facebook, it’s easy to see there were times where ‘togetherness’ was — well,  over-rated.

Like everything in life, it all depends on your attitude.   Struggling for “me-time” while you are on a family travel adventure is a sure recipe for catastrophe.  We each went through times when we felt like putting each other feet first down  in the old ‘whack-a-mole’ game.

Here’s how we handled it:

We are Team Hirn.  Our team members have a variety of strengths and talents:  We have one leader, (Ron), one motivator and organizer (guess who?), and each of the other team members share the qualities of comedian, entertainer, diplomat, peacemaker, encourager, student optimist, and instigator.

We are Team Hirn.  We have opinions.  We have emotions.  We have arguments.  We have blow-ups.  We have meltdowns.  But in the end, we are each other’s best allies.  We rely on each other when we cannot rely on ourselves.  We pick up each other’s slack.  And when one of us is under attack we have at least four others who are putting on their boxing gloves.

We are Team Hirn.  We started this plan to travel as a family and were determined to see it through.  Team Hirn! The unit is greater than the individual.  But we celebrate the unique qualities of each team member.   The trip together is far greater than the trip alone.

One day you will be sitting on a porch, rocking in a chair thinking of old friends whose names you can no longer remember.  On that day, you will be complaining about too much ‘me-time’!   Hang onto that for later.

Today it’s time to make memories with your family.   Celebrate the insanity!

Talk Friday!

Dawn

Adventure with Engagement AWE · Encouragement · Parenting

Bonding

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I’ve often wondered why people spend such big bucks on weddings.

Is it all for the bride and if so, does anybody think how the money could help the couple get started? Somebody told me the wedding ceremony and celebration have to do with remembering your life “from this point forward.”

The path usually begins as a couple finds their niche whether travel or staying home, furthering their education or their industry. Add a house and kids to the pot and the dynamic changes. Hopefully, not profoundly.

A crisis comes into each life and marriage sooner or later. But you go back to the “point” where things weren’t so terrible. The tragedy of losing our child, Ryan, ended our fairy tale. This became our “from this point forward.”

In agony, we hovered over what remained.  But the steps in this direction were foreign to Ron and I who had loved the adventure of travel. Do you treasure the moments you spend with your family – your husband or wife, each child; is it a step in the right direction?

It’s all about ‘bonding’ and bonding cannot be accomplished unless the things to be bonded get close enough to each other for the cement to hold.   Kids aren’t gonna love you more because you buy them stuff.

And life only gets temporarily easier when they are off doing their own thing. No family memories built in that room.

When you choose to take a step into the unknown together, you’re making new memories.   You owe it to yourselves, your children and your marriage. Sure, the money you will spend could get you another home, a bigger and a better location, more furniture, clothes,  cars, and more ‘stuff’ for your kids. But in the long run, will any of that actually serve as a bond between you, your mate or your children?

Choose: AWE   Adventure with Engagement!

Next Tuesday, lets discuss “Starting Small.”