Author: dawnhirn

Family · Travel

My pillow

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When we left the good old  US of A for our family ‘round-the-world-adventure,’ there were certain things I just couldn’t leave behind. I know – you’re thinking i-Phone,  and you are probably right, although that wasn’t the first thing on my mind. i-Phones don’t work everywhere.  But I knew two things that were the most important to me:

My pillow.  My favorite coffee mug.

Our relationship is one-sided.  My pillow doesn’t need me. And despite television ads, neither does my coffee cup.   But I need both of them.   Adults don’t walk around with security blankets, (Mr. Fluffster, Lambie, Cuddles – whatever you called them).  The astute adult sees beyond the situation, not particularly caring what people think about their ‘necessities.’

We bit off a lot when we decided to travel more than 30 countries for six months with our family, and we were focused upon ‘traveling light’ – that meant one ‘carry on’ per person, and of course the big family pack containing meds, school supplies, books, paper, and lots of ‘etcetera.’

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Each of us had at least one ‘must bring.’  For me, it was my feather pillow.  And my favorite coffee mug.

There would be nights on thin blankets on floors, speed-sleeping in trains and buses, but I always knew that my pillow would be there for me. And when I woke up I could count on something warm or semi-cool in my coffee mug.

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Before you leave home, own up to your ‘security blanket.”  Whatever it is – and it must be legal — Grab it.   And your passport.  And head out.

Find your Adventure With Engagement.

Talk soon!

Dawn

Adventure with Engagement AWE · Family · Travel

Transparent

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When we set out to video document our family world trip, we had no preconceived notion of how things were going to go.    We were still grieving for Ryan. I guess we will always be.    Our boys deserved a full life which is never fully under control.  We were willing to be transparent for the next six months, with the hope that our story would help others living under the shroud of fear which seems to swallow those who have lost loved ones in tragic accidents.

It wasn’t a comfortable decision.  Recovering from burns on over 25% of your body was tough for each of us and required continuous personal ‘upkeep.’  When you have skin grafts, the healthy skin is removed from one healthy area of your body to repair the damaged part somewhere else.  You have to treat two sites, keeping sites clean and creamed.  You can’t escape the pain or discomfort.   Stretching my grafted legs became a necessary routine for me, and the sun which I had always loved, had become my enemy.

Even so,  we embraced a challenge.  A family adventure – more than 30 countries, together all day and night, every day and night for over 180 days straight, so:

  1. We put ourselves in extreme circumstances of unfamiliarity.
  2. We faced our fears of losing another child, by reminding each other we would not be defeated.
  3. We took our boys out of the safety of the home ‘training ground’ and pushed them into the ‘proving ground’ of public scrutiny.
  4. And the videographer exposed us for who we really are under pressure.

What did we hope to gain in exchange for our transparency?    Recovery.  Restoration.  Reward.  Renewal . . . .  for ourselves and others who had been fractured from loss and grief.  We had faith in each other – faith in our family – faith in our research – faith in our future – faith in God.   We were armed.  We could do this!

Adventure is always unscripted.  No rehearsals, no makeup touch ups.  Just a douse of reality in the family adventure thing. We tell our story as authentically as possible.  Real life is always completely out of order, messy, fragmented, surprising, disappointing and encouraging.  To help each other, we must all be transparent.

After a full year of editing and sequencing our story, we have a television show which meets every requirement we have:  Transparent recovery.  We hope to raise the expectations of others who have suffered, to lift the expectations of other burn victims and their families so they could live again.  While traveling, we brought joy and love to others, and accepted the joy and love they gave to us.  And we did it as a family, then and from this day forward.

When you go on an adventure, take a camera.  But make sure you make your lives as transparent as possible.  No one can tolerate phony stories which are built out as authentic.  Fact is . . . they can see right through them.

Talk soon!

Dawn

Grief · Parenting

The thorn

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Each day I read a little devotional called Streams in the Desert, written by Mrs. Charles Cowman in 1925. It’s not ‘fast food inspiration’ but often provokes me to think and weigh the words she has transcribed from her husband’s sermons.    This morning, it went like this:

“George Matheson, the well-known blind preacher of Scotland, who recently went to be with the Lord, said: “My God, I have never thanked Thee for my thorn. I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses, but not once for my thorn.”

“Yeah,” I thought, “easy for George to say. He didn’t lose his seven-year-old son in a fire.”  I surprised myself;  that is not really who I am at all!    When we lost Ryan, we suffered tragically like any mom and dad would.  Each step we took seemed to be just as painful as the last, until we set our sites on the “roses” in our lives.  Tyler was only two yrs old.  And then came Trenton.  And then, Colton.  And there it was:  the Hirn Bouquet!

We never got over the pain of the thorn, and don’t ever expect to.  But we began training ourselves how to adjust to the pain of the thorn by acknowledging the smell of the roses.   God had left us here for a reason.

Ron and I knew our purpose was to raise our boys to be kind and compassionate, to love mankind, without prejudice, without unrealistic fears, accepting people as they are.  To grow in grace.    Those things don’t  just fall into place.  We made a commitment!

Our six-month world trip with our three boys wasn’t all thorns and it wasn’t all blossoms.   But we knew if we wanted a sweet adventure there would be both.

Life is so hard.  The easiest way to endure a loss is to close your eyes and wake up to a new day.  But it never is a new day.  It’s the same with an even larger challenge requiring a bigger running start than the previous day.    You have heard all the analogies – the diamond in the rough being polished, the fire burning off imperfection. But when it comes to your family, there is no better illustration than family spending time together.

Engage with your family.  The same stem that produces the thorn, produces the rose.

Talk later!

Dawn

education · Parenting

Evolution

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People ask us “Which of your sons is most like Ryan?”The answer is difficult, because each of the four treasures God has given us is different.   Like snowflakes, there are no two alike.  With great joy, we watched each of our sons evolve during this world trip.

Education and individual growth becomes a challenge when you insist on strict Road School as we did.  Each boy learned at a different pace, in a different way and at a different level. Everybody crowded together in the Hirn School Room du jour,  for lessons part of each day.    But the rest of the time we took life’s lessons on the road.  We shared our own observations with each other, and we practiced one of the most important educational lessons of all:  the art of listening!

There are Hirn House Rules:  We all knew there was no such thing as a dumb question or a dumb answer.  We became each other’s best friends, teachers and advocates.  We stuck together, learned together, argued together, cried together, comforted each other and grew together.

Road Schooling is tough.     A teacher must always stay ahead of the student – or at least give the illusion of staying ahead.   But, tactically, isn’t that the job of the parent too?

We all hope for great things from our kids.  But don’t overlook the ‘now’ – Treasure  time with them as they observe, process  information, interact with strangers, and adapt to cultural differences and lifestyles.  They are constantly evolving!

Everything evolves – caterpillars become butterflies, buds become flowers.  But then again, evolution must exclude moms.  After all we have been through,  we still have only two hands and one set of eyes.

Talk soon!

Dawn

Encouragement · Family · Travel

Adapt

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Adapt means to modify, alter, adjust, readjust, remodel, reshape, and rework.   All things considered, our boys did beautifully.  Kids do.

Adapting is something American adults have a bit more trouble doing, being silver spoon-fed at all.  We are used to luxury or at least the best we can afford in our home- away-from-home. There are different levels of adapting:   we can all adapt to a guy in a Goofy costume coming up for a hug, but that isn’t a real acid test.

Our world-adventure stretched us to new levels of tolerance.  Of course, looking backward from the comfort of our own dining room table  makes every awkward situation seem funny.  Everyone has their own favorite “meltdown story,” and occasionally stories sound  vaguely similar.

There was a lot of room for complaining but we had made everyone aware of what to expect before we left.  And yet, we still had surprises.

Street Food  – Sometimes it looked sketchy, but of course we could easily turn the food-thing into a competition.  They guys each longed to win the game: ‘what-was-the-weirdest-thing-you-ever-ate?”    But street food didn’t make us sick.  In fact, there were only a total of four throw-ups for six people the whole six months.  And street food was a daily diet.  Hunger forced us all to adapt.

Electronic withdrawals – The boys used their smartphones for photography.   They knew there was no Facebook and limited social media in China.  They said they could hack it.   But you know how that goes — nobody ever sees how  truly addicted they are until they no longer have the ability to connect.  Took about two days;  and they adapted.

Entertainment – Boys make everything from handrails to luggage ramps to subway hand rings into a playground. And if you follow our Our Backpack Facebook page, you know the value of the ‘ball.’   As parents, if you focus upon how it is going to look to the locals, you are fighting a losing battle. And there was no ‘deep cover.’  We were an American family with  three boys,  in a country with a one-child rule.  And the Chinese have contempt for truant students.    Yet, we were overwhelmed by their kindness to us.

Time alone.   I think that was one of the most difficult struggles.  Ron and I knew when the other needed a break.  We were each other’s Plan B.

Again let me stress this was not a vacation.  But remember, the “A” in Adventure, is the same “A” in Achievement.    We brought home another “A” for accomplishment, which is impossible to do unless you . . .

Adapt.

Talk later…

Dawn

Adventure with Engagement AWE · Family travel

the slopes

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This week, the Hirn Fam hit the slopes in Colorado.  Refreshing. Invigorating!  Cold!!!  At least one of the Hirn crew didn’t think this was a particularly good idea.  He said “it didn’t sound like any fun at all,” which is kid-code for “I’m afraid I won’t be any good at it and I don’t want people making fun of me —  especially my brothers.”  We each have taken turns marketing this ski trip as another adventure – AWE –  Adventure With Engagement, just as the bracelets on our wrists say!  Adventure without engagement is . . . well, just another checkmark  in our schedule.

Adventures can be spontaneous – those are the best kind, I think, but you don’t get the most bang for your buck.  And how far do you have to wander to find intrigue in your own home town?  Of course, you’ve got the occasional kid that comes in to say “I’ve decided to jump off that cliff into the water.”  But there is a fine line between spontaneity and insanity.  Parents know the difference, and “No” is quick to fall off our lips.

When we left on our RTW trip with our three guys, we knew no matter how well we prepared, the situations we had carved out for ourselves would provide new challenges.   In the planning phase, there were times when Ron and I looked at each other  wondering if we had the courage it took to ‘hit the slopes.’  But we plugged along, studying, learning, exploring books and Google to find out about the places we were going.

If you have an idea for a family adventure, spend time investigating every aspect of the place you are about to discover.  But don’t spend too much time in the right-hand column of your PROS and CONS list. And before you make your run:

Check the terrain conditions.

Re-check your equipment.

Don’t push – let everyone warm up at their own pace.

Never laugh at somebody, because you’re always next to look foolish.

Never let uncertainty stand in your way.  Parents lead best by example.  Gear up and hit the slopes!  AWE!

Talk Friday!   Dawn.

Parenting · Travel

the bunny

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The Hirn family faced familiar holidays embracing the challenges. We found ourselves  in Montenegro for Easter and although it is a multi-religious country,  Orthodox Christianity is dominant.  But the city isn’t flowing with large-eared Milk Chocolate Easter Bunnies or candy eggs.

Because we still had two young ‘believers’ who anxiously awaited the Easter Bunny, we had to be creative.  Naturally, the Easter Bunny would know where my boys were.  I mean, where in the world can your hide from “the Bunny” or “Santa” or “the Tooth Fairy?” Ron and I found ourselves on a real authentic “Easter Egg hunt.”

We had covered Christmas pretty easily, by writing to Santa pretrip to request a delivery of the gifts to our home in Alabama(which were patiently waiting  upon our return, as we had no way of carrying them,) and hung Tube socks for stockings (which I’ve got to tell you look particularly funky filled with goodies.  S t r e t c h!!! )   And the Tooth Fairy was easily pulled off.  But the Easter Bunny . . . . took a bit more thought.  We used our camper’s storage bins for baskets, found some plastic eggs, filled them with candy and foreign coins from all the countries we had visited, but  weren’t able to find a bright yellow marshmallow Peeps anywhere in the city.    And the boys never batted an eye.  The Balkan Bunny had found them!

According to some sources, the Easter bunny first arrived in America in the 1700s when German immigrants brought their tradition of an ‘egg laying’ bunny – an Osterhase,’ to Easter.  Made sense.  The bunny was a great multiplier, and although he didn’t lay eggs, it was a great ‘container-concept.’  In response to his visit, the children made nests in which the creature could lay it’s colored eggs.  And of course, like everything else, America took the whole thing to baskets and sugar!

We look forward to Easter this year.  And no matter how you celebrate, we hope you have a precious, blessed Easter celebration.

Dawn

Parenting

Influence

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If – just if, your kids had been raised in another place, or another time, did you ever wonder what life would have been like?  “Milk the cow, fore ya git to school, Tyler.” (Or would you have named him Rufus?)  Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?    I’d like to think our boys would have adapted well regardless of their surroundings, although  it is comforting to know they have had so many opportunities, activities and tools to make their Twenty-First Century lives great.   But it still takes the influence and direction of a parent to make little Tyler or Rufus meet his potential.

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Japan

 

You may no longer feel you have influence in your kid’s life, but it will always be your job to maintain balance. Too much activity is just as bad for a child as not enough.  Too many tools offered ‘carte blanche’ will take them into an electronic Neverland that is hard to leave.  But there is no such thing a ‘too much influence or time with them.’   When we visited China, over and over again, Chinese moms and dads would come up to Ron and I and say:  “Luck – three very lucky.”   In a country with a strict one-child policy, our eyes were opened to what we had been given.

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Tiananmen Square – Beijing, China

 

We will never know what our boys  might have turned out to be if they had been born as only children.  Or if their brothers hadn’t teased them quite so hard, or knuckled down on them, or grossed them out with potty talk.  But each of these assaults and interactions has helped make them the strong individual characters they are.   And within the balance, our boys reached out to include their international brothers and sisters.   Families, no matter how they are carved out, are the fiber of society.

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Karen Tribe – Thailand

 

Ron and I made certain communication was at the top of our list, always challenging them with a question or thought, overlooking an occasional contemptuous eye-roll. They know we are the boss.  Even though we are proud to be from a place of democracy, the Hirn Family is run as a split dictatorship.  Raising a child is tough stuff.  But it is an opportunity you get to have for only a short time.  Take what you have and give it all you’ve got.  24/7 and beyond!

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Cape of Good Hope, S. Africa

 

Some people have looked at Ron and I with our wild and crazy boys and said:  “Wow, you sure have your hands full.”  One day I’m going to give them more than just a smile and a nod, and add:  “Yeah, but you should see our hearts!”

Talk soon.

Dawn

education · Family · Travel

The Microscope

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In the past,  I’ve written about taking a hard look at yourself in the mirror of a videographer.  Today, lets talk about the microscope.

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When you are on a world adventure with your family, 24/7, mom and dad have a gracious allowance of time to study their kids under the microscope. (Isn’t that really part of the purpose of family time together?)

As our trip progressed, I unsnapped their ankle monitors and began to enjoy the entertainment.  My boys faced the world bringing with them their unique approaches.  Ron and I sat back and watched them.  And under the microscope we learned:

  1. Our boys see no difference in other people. We are proud of that.
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Recently I referred to one of the children in Colton’s classrooms as “that sweet Asian child” – and he looked at me like I had chopped liver for brains.   They didn’t care about the child’s nationality, religion, or political alliance.  Boys talk in simple terms such as soccer balls, footballs, skateboards and stunts.  The language is universal.

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Kids adapt more quickly than adults. The younger, the better.

Before we left home, we had studied about places, people, foods, various forms of transportation (from tut tuts to camels), sleeping accommodations (we chose hostels)  and the ever- dependable but not always well-received “UYOLTGT”  (Use Your Own Legs To Get There.)    Despite a few meltdowns, they adapted beautifully.

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  1. Under the microscope we discovered Colton’s love for little children and babies especially. We experienced Trenton’s non-verbal form of communication – his love of sports and physical activity, and enjoyed seeing him interact with others often instigating a game.  And Tyler grew so much on this trip, from a boy to a caring and might I add, tolerant young man.
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Take your children out of their comfort zone as a family.  Don’t forget to unshackle them.  Microscope or not, sit back and enjoy.

Have a great weekend!

Talk soon!

Dawn

Encouragement · Family · Travel

Mirror, mirror . . .

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Nearly two-hundred years ago the German chemist Justus von Liebig slapped a thin coat of silver to one side of clear glass and Bingo!  The mirror!  He probably learned a thing or two from Euclid (300 BC) who dallied with the idea of reflection.  But nobody – NO-BODY has revealed more details than the twenty-first century videographer who follows you around day and night.

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I did it to myself.  I hired a  kind of a self-imposed paparazzi. But how else could we document the world adventure my family and I had ‘bitten off’?   “I want real life – authentic experiences – authentic memories – the good, bad and ugly” I told him.  Real life performances don’t include ‘hair and makeup’, or filters or wardrobe adjustments.

We had lost one of our own.  Hovering over the children ‘left behind’ does not establish ownership, and almost always pushes them to perform.   We wanted ‘real time’ with our kids – time to watch them grow, to share with them the experience of discovering the world God had given them.

Real life is not buttoned-down, starched, stain-proofed and Photoshop-ed.

You may think you know your strengths and weaknesses until you see them played back on video:  and there I was – in all my impatience, trying to control everything and everyone, getting ‘freaked out’ far too often, wishing I could find a door to my own room to slam.   What a wake-up call.

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When you’re put in a difficult situation you can either react or respond, I reacted by trying to duck the camera until I realized I should respond and adjust my behavior.  My family knows my weaknesses and my strengths. And I know theirs.  Forgiveness is the first step to recovery and a cornerstone of love.

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Trenton did not want to be in this photo!

 

Consider a 24/7 trip with your family. If you have the guts, hire a videographer to cover it.  Costs less than a Shrink. And the results are just as effective!

Talk soon!

Dawn