Author: dawnhirn

Family · Travel

Theme Park Mentality

dawnhirn1 Comment

A National Park Ranger shared some interesting questions he has been asked by tourists,  regarding the Grand Canyon:

  1. “Is the Grand Canyon human made?”
  2. “What time do you feed the animals?”
  3. “When do you turn on the waterfalls?”

Have we groomed our children for ‘theme-park mentality?’

If so, adventure takes another hit.

When we chose a 180-day world adventure,  we knew there would be loads of challenges.  Studying helped equip us with some necessary strategies: forewarned is forearmed.  But ‘Adventure on schedule’ is always watered down ‘adventure.’

Some things were knew for certain that, unlike Epcot:  there was no ‘walking bridge’ over to “China World,” if the lines to Morocco,  were too long. If someone made a mess on the streets of China, there was no “park cleaning service” to clean it up.  If your ‘ride’ broke down, you walked.  There might be fireworks at night; there might not.  If you don’t like Chinese food, you cannot just jump on the monorail to find a quick burger.

Some of the most wonderful moments come from a family adventure when we relax our grip on time.  Nature doesn’t run a tight schedule.  Wandering is a direction and within a few guidelines, your family can make wonderful memories exploring.

If one of our beautiful National Parks is your summer destination for  AWE (Adventure With Engagement),  remember, any great adventure  requires common sense.    If you don’t keep your wits sharp, you may end up in some difficult situations.  Be patient.  You will figure it out!

Oh, and one more thing:

When you are in a National Park, if you are approached by a big guy in a cuddly bear costume, don’t grab your phone and snuggle up for a ‘selfie.’  Run away!  It’s not a costume!!

Dawn

Parenting

judgelesspraymore

dawnhirn1 Comment

These were the words Jennifer Venditti wrote beside the hash tag, in her post June 15.   Just one hour before the two-year old boy was dragged away by an alligator at Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort, her own three-year old had waded in these same waters.

Here is a portion of her blog:    “PRAY, PRAY so hard for the family & for those who witnessed this tragic event. I took these pics at the exact spot this happened betw 8 & 830, the incident happened at 9. Helicopters flew overhead til 1 am and were back around dawn. I can’t imagine anyone could sleep knowing that the helicopter was searching for a missing child taken by an alligator. I can’t help but wonder if we played with him, did I talk to his Mom?? How does one go home without your baby in tow?

I’ve already seen posts criticizing the parents. I can assure you alligators were not on my mind at all when Channing was in the water. It’s a tiny beach, surrounded by pools, water slides, a restaurant and a fire pit. I can’t conceive that an alligator would be in such a busy, small space. #judgelesspraymore

We have been given the right to free speech, but some of us need to have governors imbedded in our brains.  How easy it is to stand back in horror and blame the parents for what they ‘should-have or could-have’ done. It’s natural for any child to put their toes in the water on a beach simply marked “No Swimming.”

We’ve just been reeling from the episode at the Cincinnati Zoo where another three-year old fell into a gorilla exhibit and was slung around by a 450 pound gorilla.  No parent should have to endure either of these calamities – much less the ridicule that follows.

I know.

A parent will always suffer self-recrimination and agony over the ‘shoulda/coulda’s.’    Whenever you, an observer, encounter such a situation, push the ‘comfort button’ in your heart instead of the ‘ridicule button’ in your brain.

Adjust your mouth and pen accordingly: And as Jennifer Venditti writes:  Judge Less, Pray More.

Dawn

Encouragement · Parenting

Lemons

dawnhirnLeave a comment

Our world trip was intended to help us conquer our fears.  For years, we had been terrified to let ourselves live life.  We couldn’t ever bear to lose another child and we knew we needed to conquer our fears or fear would become a part of our boys’ lives.   The only way to conquer fear, is to face it.

In one of Colton’s post-trip interviews, he said: “I thought we would be in some trouble when we went to China.  Turns out, I was wrong.”  I would love to know what was in the back of his mind, but sometimes digging deeper still doesn’t allow you to  understand why a kid feels afraid.   Children learn so much from the behavior of their parents.

Our family tried to diminish the fears by educating ourselves; but, for us, the fact remained:  we were going into a communistic country, with no cell phones, no interpreters, and no transportation.   Excitement was tinged  with tension.  How would the kids respond to strangers with different shaped faces and eyes, different cultures, different languages?

It was up to us to set the example.

This week, we were all horrified by the incidents in Orlando as we saw the ultimate damage of hatred.  I believe it all starts with respect.

Someone (I wish it had been me) came up with a lesson to help kids see beyond the wrapper.  Gather a group of kids together, hand them each a lemon.  Tell them: “Get to know your lemon.  Toss it up, smell it, throw it around, roll it  — just play with it! Engage!”  After 10 minute of lemon-interaction, take the lemons back, put them in a basket and ask the kids to find their lemon.   Surprisingly, most kids know their lemon immediately, by the size, texture, dents, bruises, shapes and shades of color.  Don’t let this opportunity slip by.  Spark conversation on the differences in people which, of course, still makes them people.

Then, collect the lemons again.  This time, peel them and return them to the basket.  Tell the kids what you did, and again ask them to find their lemon.  Responses are priceless!  “They all look alike without their skin.” (Here’s where you bring home your lesson)   People, like lemons, are the same on the inside.  And that is the part that matters.

And lemons are like people;  the only way to really get to know them, is by engaging!

I’m so glad we did.

Have a safe, engaging weekend.

Dawn

Adventure with Engagement AWE · Family

Gummy Bears

dawnhirnLeave a comment

What brings your family back to reality of face-to-face conversation better than the dining table?   Sure, you know it, but how often do you do it?  Takes planning, buying, time cooking and (my favorite) trying to please everyone at the table.   You’ve got to make it look good for them to eat it.  Some foods like Brussel Sprouts, have no chance at all.

In 1920, a poor German sugar-factory worker began to develop gummy goo that makes up Haribo’s gelatin candy.  But the stuff didn’t take off till they got creative and shaped the goo into teddybears.  If that’s what it takes to make a kid eat candy, how important is it to make nutritious food attractive?

Moms and dads know the importance of creative marketing.  From cutting sandwiches into cookie shapes to finger flick football, engage!!   The dining room table has a bigger take away than nutrition;   engage them in conversation.

Questions like:  “How was your day,” usually get a one-word conversation-ending response.    Same with “did you do your homework?”   Unless you’re creative, you may loose your kids.   Try and cut up your questions in the shape of interesting things like ‘gummy bears or gummy worms’ for kids to take the bait:

“What was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you in school?  (get ready to supply them with your answer, ‘cause it will come back to you)   Or, “If you were a car – what kind would you be?” or, “If you could rename yourself, what name would you choose?”

Stupid questions?  Sure.  But remember, you told them there is no such thing as a stupid question.  And being a fool is usually ‘family friendly’ activity. When you have  brothers or sisters, there is no such thing as the ‘last laugh.’   You almost always have another chance.

Rule that the dinner table is a ‘no screen’ zone and then make time to engage in creative conversation with your family.  Don’t waste precious table time arguing or fussing when you could be getting to know those who will be sitting at their own tables with their own kids, way too soon!

AWE – Adventure With Engagement!

Dawn

Family · Travel

Powers of prediction

dawnhirn1 Comment

Scheduling a road trip with your family?  A fortune teller may alert you to difficulties. But before you waste your quarters, understand that somebody can point them out to you and your family, but when it all boils down, it’s up to you to solve them.

Ask yourself: “what do I expect from this trip?”   And if your answer comes out on the soft and fluffy side, do a bit of research, then rest on your powers of prediction:  There will be arguments, tantrums, melt-downs and mishaps.  You may get lost.  You may regret schlepping around all those unnecessary things you packed.  You may leave something important behind.  And you will get sick of those overused kid phrases:  “I’m bored,” “it’s not fair,” “how long do we have to stay here?”  In every case, communication is essential.

Study:   Do intensive map, cultural and historical studies about places you plan to visit and then match it with your kids’  list of things to do. No amount of persuasion will convince them to see more museums, churches or historical sites after the first few you visit(we required 4 museums, 5 churches/mosques and 3 waterparks on our 6 month trip.) Make your kids an important part of the discussion, having them map out and research the things they are interested in.

Make room:  Backpack contents swell during travel. No law of physics supports this; but it’s true, you will always come back fatter than when you left.

Practice:   Try living out of your backpack or suitcase one week before you hit the road.  In that time, you should know what you need, what you don’t.  Re-pack.

One essential thing:   Never forget your ‘security blanket.’   For me, it was my pillow which made rest that much better.  And during those times of great stress, it could substitute as  punching bag.

Another essential thing:    A ball, a deck of cards and a pencil and pad.  Make trivia your friend.

Road trips have residual power . . . . . they increase in value long after the trip is over.   The trials of being on the road with your family, will become moments of fond reflection or at least comic relief in years to come.  You’re a family; embrace the confusion.  Tell the fortune-telling gypsy Madam Gooseberry, to mind her own business.  You and your kids face  challenges every day and you know them better than she does.                                      This isn’t your first rodeo.

Dawn

Adventure with Engagement AWE · Parenting

Summer vacation

dawnhirn1 Comment

For months your kids have been telling you they cannot WAIT till summer vacation.  And now, they are complaining:  “I’m bored.”  This of course, is your fault.  You know this because they remind you of each family they know that is doing something fabulous every moment.  And  you are not.   Summer vacation: it’s the best of times, it’s the worst of times.  Take a moment to stop and smell the Chlorine.  And remember . . . .

jpg quote.jpg

And when your kids get older and have children of their own, pass it on!   Remember, AWE, Adventure with Engagement, includes you!

Dawn

Adventure with Engagement AWE · Parenting

Phobias

dawnhirn1 Comment

Spiders, needles, clowns – oh my!   Do you have a phobia?  And the bigger question is, “if you don’t, does that mean you are not deep?”   

 We’ve drummed into our children the importance of not speaking to strangers and of course it is for their own good.  Some parents feed a phobia by drawing the line way too deeply in the sand, while others attempt to clarify the warning: “When we are not around, don’t talk to strangers.  But when we are there with you, smile your heads off.”  We are strong believers in the “Be ye kind one to another” Bible verse.  And it has paid off again and again.  

 Studying about the people in the world was not enough for the Hirn family.  We were intent on getting to know them, understanding their strengths and weaknesses, encouraging them in their struggles, sharing their laughs and, on a rare occasion, their disdain.  Some people refuse to take a chance to get to know somebody just on the chance of rejection.   And yes, that happens.  But it should only sting for a moment.  Friendships last much longer.

 When we were in China, we realized how utterly foolish it had been for us to have fear of being the free American in a Communist country.  We had grown to realize the face of communism was ugly years ago, but we also learned very early on that the faces within the Communistic community, were wonderful.  The Chinese people were among the most gracious in the world.  Love and acceptance for our strange American family with three sons,   seemed to pour from their smiles and radiate through their eyes, THREE sons!  In a country with a one-child policy, our double-edged, eye-lidded family was an oddity. 

 Phobias are not exclusively imposed by adults onto children;  But it stands to reason a strong fear is likely to rub off from a parent to a child.    “Don’t talk to strangers” is still a good rule for any child who is ever alone; but, when you are with them, interacting with others seems safe enough.  Build’s confidence, no doubt.

 As you know, “engagement” is a vital component to “adventure.”  A catapult, actually!    And what is a good “Pult” without a hearty “Cata”?   They go together.  Otherwise your adventure is just your version of your story.

My mom always told me to do my best, and talking to strangers is one of those things! Do I embarrass my family from time to time?  Of course!  Not everyone is open to my style of  ‘meet and greet’.  But there is usually a great payoff with the ones who are!   And my strange habits of congeniality seem to have rubbed off on my family.  Not a bad thing, really. 

Have a great weekend.

Dawn

Encouragement

Smartphone rehab

dawnhirnLeave a comment

cellphone tatistics.jpeg

Blame marketing.  Blame peer pressure.  Blame technology.  But any time something is built out to be a ‘be all, end all” there will always be abuse.   Cigarettes became  the social situational stress reducer in the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s until the lung and cancer associations got involved.  Warning labels!  Then, the magic of pharmaceuticals.  More warning labels and laws!    And now Smartphones!

But we NEED our cellphones.  How else are we going to stay in contact, keep current, maximize wasted time, entertain, educate, photograph?     Many native American cultures believed that the soul could be endangered by photography.    Which begs the question:  Since smart phones can do so much more could they steal your soul?    “Of course not,”  you intellectuals shout.  Yet overuse can be highly intoxicating!

How do you fare on the above chart: “How did you feel when you misplaced your phone?”  But you can quit anytime.  Right? Check it out:  Next time you’re out in restaurant, take a visual survey:  how may folks are on their phones, texting, emailing and doing other ‘smart things?”

The boys brought their iPods on the trip, for use in their photo journalism class, and for use in picture taking.  But we reserved their electronic use for game playing on long travel days.   At one point, because it appeared to us that they were not communicating any better with each other before than during the trip, we confiscated their technology and we  introduced a new class called “The Hirn Crash-Course in Social Skill Development.”  First couple days were rough!  But before long, the boys began talking more, eye-locking, sharing ideas, observations, riddles, and  ‘most embarrassing moments.”  Creativity turned competitive!  Adventure isn’t complete without engagement.

Teach your children well.

Teach by example.

Now, take the test again.

See what I’m saying?

Talk soon!  Dawn

Family

Glue

dawnhirn1 Comment

“Krazy Glue” is just a snazzy name for adhesive.  This stuff ‘sticks like crazy.’  At least that’s what they say. But whether you go for the ‘Krazy,’ or the ‘Super’ or “Rhino” or ‘Gorilla Glue’ you must remember one thing for certain; The stuff isn’t going to work unless you have at least two separate components to adhere.

Be careful:  I heard of a lady who was trying to glue together a broken teacup, smudging the extra goo off with her finger.  She touched her finger to her thumb – you know, to test the stickiness.  And she found it very effective.  For the next seven days, the lady walked around, finger to thumb making that age old “okay sign” to everyone who saw her.

Merriam-Webster says ‘glue’ is:  “any of various strong adhesive substances . . . . used for sticking things together.”

 The Hirn family decided to return to the life of travel with Ryan’s three brothers, for a variety of reasons:  Education, experience, meeting the people of the world, lifting up others who had suffered in their own lives, giving our kids perspective about how lucky American children really are, and building confidence.

The by-product of this trip was glue.   It was that invisible bond that pulled us together.  We were each other’s best friends, worst enemies, complaint department, sparring partners, punching bags and teddy bears.

We depended upon each other every day; from a good night’s sleep, to food, to finding transportation, or a friend for a good game of soccer.

That’s the thing that happens when you put two or more people who not only love, but like each other.  Now that the boys are getting older,  I miss those days.  Don’t waste a minute of your time with your family.

Spend time with your family while you have the opportunity.   Carve out some time for your kids, for your husband, for your wife.  Shut down the electronics for a few hours.  Glue just isn’t as effective when you are not paying attention.   Take adventures together.  Talk together, walk, play games, eat dinner, just sit on the dock or on the porch.    No matter what kind of glue you choose to hold you together, grab it. And ‘stick like Krazy!’

 Memorial Day is a perfect opportunity to make memories! 

Dawn

Steps
Encouragement · Grief

Steps

dawnhirn6 Comments

Steps.

That is the answer to the question people have asked me over the past ten years.

  • How did you get through losing Ryan?
  • How did you get past the pain of burns and skin grafts?
  • How did you (probably more like ‘Why did you . . .”) decide to homeschool three boys for six years?
  • How were you able to quit your jobs?
  • How did you afford to travel around the world with three boys?
  • How did you overcome your fear of more loss?

The process of putting together and now selling the Pilot of our adventure into recovery, is also about steps.  Painful!  As you probably know by now we chose ‘on-the-road rehab’ – not alone, but together. If healing means forgetting about the child we lost, Ron and I will never heal.  But we were determined to get past grief and willing to expose our trials and errors in hopes we could inspire others. Steps through recovery are uncomfortable, but we agreed to expose our flaws and failures as a videographer documented 180 of our days and nights. We didn’t want this show to become a carnival of abnormality, which so many networks thrive on, but want to inspire others to ‘get real and walk through their grief.’ We wanted to show others how to live ‘in the moment’ with your children, the time is “now”, not “later”  because “later” may never come. We have no more “later” on earth with Ryan. We had “now” with our other sons. On our Trip, it was my husband, my four sons and me.  The boys didn’t know their brother but gladly took turns carrying his favorite backpack containing some of his ashes.   If we could inspire others with our story, to show how to value the “now” with your loved ones, then perhaps the bad could be used for good.

The first step is always the hardest: for us it was deep, dark depression of knowing we would never hold our son on this earth again. We each go through losses in our lives:  loved ones, job, finances, home, security, health.  It’s not a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’.  We hoped to help others get through it.

When you become a parent, the door to harsh criticism opens widely.   Naturally Ron and I wanted people to see us on our peaks rather than in our valleys.  But we willingly put it all out there, warts and all.  We certainly didn’t do everything right.  No parent ever does.

But like you, we are taking steps.

dawn