Encouragement · Hope

The anonymous injustice of life

I’ve always felt that life was unfair.

unfair

A blind man could see that.

Then came the accident and Ryan’s violent death, which proved, beyond a reasonable doubt that I was right: life is unfair.

Do you think life singles us out?

Or, that life is fundamentally against us?  

If that’s true, how can we ever Hope?

For years, I was paralyzed by the anonymous injustice of life.

I mean, is there anybody in charge out there?

I felt all helpless because I’d woken up so many times, only to realize there is no magic wand that fixes everything.wand

The magic was gone.

So, since life is unfair, what do we do?

We Hope again.

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Hoping. Again.

We have to.

It’s in our DNA.

Living without Hope takes away the now-ness of life, and wipes out the future.

But Hope, that beautiful four-letter word, restores our Faith.

I’m living proof!

dawn

Family · Hope

A total eclipse of me

As far as I know, I’ve never really been afraid of the dark.Screen Shot 2019-04-10 at 9.08.27 PM

That’s because I was born without the experience of Fear.

I outranked Fear.

When there would be a noise in the kitchen, my brothers and sisters would hide under the covers, while I would go downstairs alone to investigate.

Then, Ryan died, and Fear barged into my world.

It was like I was stuck inside a total eclipse of me.

I couldn’t see me.

I couldn’t feel me.

It was like when ‘’the lights went out on Broadway.’’bulb

And, I was lights-out in my heart.

I’d think the best thing I could do for everybody concerned was to swallow a bottle of pills and die.

Then, the sun would come up and my little Tyler would touch my arm.

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me and tyler

And I would know, “I’m still here!”

dawn

 

Faith · Family travel · Hope · Relationship

My heart / God’s home

Pre-accident, I only knew God from a distance, more like a ‘sky-God.’

Many of us were taught how to pray to the ‘sky-God’ in heaven. woman & cross keem-ibarra-560576-unsplash

After the accident, I found God, or God found me, and I learned that prayer is conversational.

God had come to live in my heart, not in the sky.

As my Faith grew, I began to grow too.

I was given Wisdom, a spoonful at a time.

For instance, I realized that Ryan was a Gift given to me, not a Gift taken away. 

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Ryan ’94

From the beginning, I felt honored that God entrusted Ryan to me, but more than that, God entrusted himself to me in an intimate ‘horizontal’ relationship.

dawn

Feel free to comment or add your story.

 

Faith · Hope · wounded Mother

When Faith comes to town

One of 2 things happen when we decide to trust God:ff at 9:11.jpeg

  1. It can blow our private world view apart, shaking the foundations of the world we live in and the world that lives in us.                                                                            Sometimes it shoves us down under the rubble at our private ground zero, searching for any signs of life there.

Or,

      2. Faith can gather together all our loose ends.

Funny how Faith is like Crazy Glue.

It holds everything together.

I know it seems like the coming of God into our lives would be a peaceful, easy thing.

But consider what Faith has blown apart in our lives. IMG_5046

For me, it was the old world I’d been living in. It was the world that was not working in my present life.Screen Shot 2019-02-20 at 3.35.33 PM

My adolescent Faith with an adolescent God was not working anymore.

Faith blew it apart and made a space for Grace.

Grace in the shape of an Accident.

dawn

 

 

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Encouragement · Faith · Hope · Parenting

My God was too small

My relationship with God had never been challenged before the accident.

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Tyler’s baptism ’99

My faith was on autopilot.

I never really needed that much from God.

My life was mostly of joy.

Ron and I baptized the kids, said our prayers, and went to church.

We even put two kids in religious school.

What more could God want?

We were a happy household until the accident.

That’s when I learned that my God was too small and If I was to survive everything I had to find a bigger God.

It all started with the question of heaven.

I knew that if I didn’t believe in heaven I’d never see Ryan again.

So I took a leap of faith.Screen Shot 2019-02-20 at 2.38.24 PM

It seemed like the next natural move.

We’ll dig into it next week…

dawn

 

Hope · Relationship · sisterhood

Engaging all God’s children

I believe that God’s intention for us on earth is to grow spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally in our Relationships.Screen Shot 2019-02-20 at 2.44.36 PM.png

Even God is a Relationship: Father, Son, Holy Spirit. God is a Trinity.

A Threesome. 

Through our connections beyond ourselves, we learn trust, understanding, and love.

I (we) have an instinctive need to commune with women, moms, and soulish peers who explore deep, emotional connections with their fellow human beings.

Don’t you think that this comes with age and all of our life experiences?

Like small earthquakes, our plates shift from one priority to the next.

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For me, I have shifted out from under materialism into shared ‘horizontal’ relationships–no one above, no one below, everybody on the same level.

So while I clearly see the importance of our ‘stuff,’ what we need most is to engage, ‘’all God’s children’’ wherever we are, whoever they are. 

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Hirns in India

dawn

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Encouragement · Grief · Hope · wounded healer

Winter to Spring

It looks like I’m pondering in this pic. fullsizeoutput_457f.jpeg 

And I guess I am.

I’m pondering the weather.

When everything turns cold and bare, some of us tend to believe that it’s winter in our souls too.

It’s a kind of winter that seems like it will never end.

All the leaves on our Tree of Hope are gone, and we feel barren.

I have to admit that when Ryan was killed in the fire, it took years before there was anything green growing on my bare branches.

It’s when you think you have only one season in your life–winter.

And you get to where you stop expecting springtime and stay under the covers to sleep it off.

Maybe you’ve heard the voices in your head that keep saying, “Don’t get up, don’t get up!”

Can you identify?download

Or, is it like you have only one word in your vocabulary;  “Unfair!”

And it repeats like an echo.

Girl, I do understand the unfairness of life, and feeling like you’ve been robbed of your future.

You might be close to giving in or giving up.

That’s the bad news, but here’s the good news…Spring always follows Winter.

It’s as perennial as perennials.

And Spring is best spent with somebody you love. (“I” to “We”)

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Tyler(3)

Dawn

 

These are my thoughts today. Please join my daily Instagram @dawnraymondhirn