At first, I felt robbed when Ryan died. Like, “Why me, Lord?” Where’s my miracle since You are the Supreme Being on the Supreme Court?
I grew up believing that God can fix what’s broken, or at least, give a heads-up. But we were hung out to dry. No warning. So, naturally, I began to look for who to blame. I finally said it face-to-face,
“It’s all Your fault, God.”
This rocked my Friendship with God, and if I’m not mistaken, we broke up for a while because placing blame was the only way I knew to get clear of this. To shed my skin like a snake and move on.
But as time passed, I discovered the real Answer to the question, “Why me, Lord?”
What did I do to deserve this Grace? Nothing.
That’s when I realized this is about God, not me. Grace is a gift from the hand of God whose face looks very much like my 2-year-old, Tyler, my little miracle worker.
Why me, Lord?
If there is someone in your orbit who needs this, please share.
If I have to choose my favorite of the ‘7 things I learned from my son,” (previous post) it would be the first one, “Appreciate Life.” Or, another way to say it is ‘living an attitude of Gratitude.’
When Ryan died, I came to a real crossroads in my way of understanding life. The first road I traveled was: “the accident as highway robbery.” There was nothing ‘right’ about it. It was wrong, wrong, wrong. Ryan was stolen from us.
Quite a few years later, I stumbled onto the second road. It was a whole new way of understanding loss. The fact that we had one day with Ryan was a gift because the truth is we didn’t deserve even a day with Ryan.
You get what I’m saying? That every day we spent with him was a little miracle for our family. Think about it, we had 2567 days with him.
How can that be wrong?
To look at something this horrendous thru the lense of gratitude is life-changing. It would have been easier to be cynical (nothing ever really works out the way you want it) but I am not.
Here’s an idea: why don’t you put on your gratitude glasses and look at your life? It can change the way you see the worst of the worst.
There’s no way in Hell that I would have considered doing the mommy job of preparing the funeral for my baby boy. Not physically, not mentally, not emotionally, not psychologically, not spiritually, not nothingly. It’ll take everything I’ve got to sit thru it.
Ryan’s funeral could have been the ‘worst of the worst nights of my life.’
But Ron saved the day. He got his heartbroken self up in front of everyone, and told them the “7 things I learned from my Son.” Let me tell you some of what he said that afternoon.
“When my son, Ryan, came along, I prided myself on teaching him the alphabet and soccer and flattered myself that I was a good teacher, but as I look back I now see that I was actually still learning and that I was still learning more important lessons than I was teaching.
Lesson 1- Appreciate Life
Lesson 2- Smiles are Infectious
Lesson 3- Explore your world
Lesson 4- Don’t take yourself too seriously
Lesson 5- Don’t confuse intelligence with experience
Lesson 6- Charity means giving when it hurts
Lesson 7- …and the greatest of these is Love.”
That, my friends, should tell you the kind of son we enjoyed in Ryan.