Three years ago, my husband and I also lost a child. Those who try to comfort us always say “Time heals all wounds.” But we are far from healed. How long did it take you and Ron to get past the pain? Still Waiting.
Dear Waiting, I wish I could give you the magic hour that things will get better; but, there is no such thing as permanent healing from a loss of this dimension.
Once I had gotten past my anger with God for having taken my son away, I began gravitating toward Bible verses to lift me up. But each reference was a temporary fix. Then somebody mentioned the verse in 1 Peter 5: “Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you.” I looked it up in the King James, and here is what it really says:
“Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God that He may exalt you in due time. Casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7
Wow. Casting is ongoing! It was my job to continuously drop my load on God. I could see from that verse my anguish would last a long time. But more than that, I realized that my role in the whole thing was to never quit casting my cares upon God.
So many people have said encouraging things to us, and Ron and I have each read so many books. I just finished one of the best: A Grief Unveiled, by Gregory Floyd. I urge you to order this book which has touched me so deeply. From this I have learned:
-We will not diminish our son, Ryan, by living our lives. Neither will you. We will honor our children, our angels, by going on with as much joy as they gave us.
-Nobody can remove you from the pain of devastation, but you. It’s an ongoing process. You will have good days, bad days and great days. Keep casting.
-It is also our job to honor our children by remembering them to their brothers or sisters, and to each one who loved our child. Encourage them to fill their life with joy and hope, using the gifts God has given them.
Keep living, keep loving, keep the memories of your child’s precious life alive.
And never quit casting!